The Freedom to Play

Life is about FREEDOM....Freedom to play to one's hearts' content....passionately, wholeheartedly, engagingly....always using every part of one's geniusness to play for the perfect prize...for the perfect life...for the ultimate dream, for the most ideal love, for the grandest experience of pleasure....I have found it amazing what games WE all play that make this world go round and round and round.....

Not only the wild wacky games boys play to collect yet another toy to play with... whether a new car, new boat, new mistress, new sports event, new country to conquer, or new experience to cherish.....and yes girls and their games can be very complex and intriguing, full of twists and turns and chaotic plots of mastering the perfect relationship for the ultimate excitement of pure pleasure or pure safety or pure need to be loved.

Game Framers by Aaron Dignan opens the mind to the ultimate games people can create to play all encompassing healthy wealthy truth seeking reality based games. It is all a huge step up from the old 1964 classic  Eric Berne masterpiece, " Games People Play. "  The big step is in FREEDOM to CREATE your own game. For me, The Ultimate Invitation goes out to you......

Just a note on my own game and game playing. I grew up innocent and naive in a pretty perfect community where everyone loved and cared for one another and we could even survive perfectly well from eating our landscaped neighborhood of the delicious fruit from the apple, plum, cherry trees...rhubarb was bountiful. Life was perfect. I grew up with little to few desires or wishes as I had everything ....especially that one thing that made me feel so complete and whole.....the amazingly perfect love of my mom and dad and sister. The foundation of wealth is really based on the WHOLENESS of self love....the more you get to experience as a child the more health and happiness and dancing you will be able to do as an adult. Self love is the game changer....it changes all the dysfunctional abuse and bad habits ....into empowering oneself to master the art of being a game designer. We have come a long way baby!

In mastering my own game of creating and designing systems of utopia I need not go much further than TOUCH....our skin is our greatest sensing cellular organ....HUGE....in America, probably in the world...WE live in a culture that shuns touching....touching is probably the greatest physical pleasure know to oneself. Can you imagine a life without FEELING.....a life without being TOUCHED......as a man, some parts of the body bring more pleasure than others, as a man I can only be envious and jealous and AMAZED at that most amazing pleasure organ that women have that WE men have NOT A CLUE about .....the life of Clitoris.....

As well, maybe WE men have NOT A CLUE about pleasure and the real games that need to be created for the ultimate health and wealth of the world.

Maybe "boy toys" are the ultimate life has to offer.....infinite and eternal blessings to creating your most perfect game!

A heavenly suicide into Paradise Utopia

A full day of tailgating at the front door to Kinnick Stadium watching the Iowa Hawkeyes come from the largest come from behind victory in their history.

My sister and husband had gone to the game leaving Makiah and I in charge of the big screen tv and the small gathering of people watching the game on the side of their brand new Winnebago View motor home.

Makiah would rather be ON the field Playing than watching....so during most the game we played catch in the parking lot. It ended up everyone wanted to play with him as they thought he was amazing. With some coaching from an expert his throwing improved to WOW level. He felt good about being the new Ricky Stanzi on campus.

After the game we walked about three or four miles to pick up my car....he did a great job with the walk. Then drove to Marion to deliver him to his brother Nick, for a night of playing and bonding.

I returned to Mount Vernon to take a shower and prepare myself for the night. The World's Most Amazing Mom was HOME and we had a dialogue. She felt that I really needed sleep. She thought I looked distraught.  She offered some sleeping pills and I settled for a short back message. She left. I rested for a couple minutes. Then got up full of energy and took a shower and prepared myself for another night of 'whatever' meditation.  I headed over to Allie Chapel on the Cornell College Campus. I put down my pendleton blanket, lite a candle and started to listen to the silence. Quickly, I was told to give up life and death. I was feeling complete about life. I had everything and MORE, everything and TOO MUCH. I began RELEASING everything about life and death. I started to get antsy. I couldn't sit...I started wanting to commit suicide. I starting crying hysterically. I didn't have any real desire to live anymore. I didn't want to live life without MY BELOVED. I meditated between my crying attacks on any addictions or sickness attached to my relationships. Nothing. I was cleared to proceed with my ultimate vision of suicide. Paradise Utopia.

Makiah was born at HOME. I delivered him from his wildly screaming MOM early morning June 22 1999 after a wonderful evening drumming meditation at Palisades Park outside Mount Vernon. First responders and the ambulance arrived in time to hurry the three of us to Mercy Hospital in Iowa City. Where baby Makiah was rushed to University Hospitals while exhausted MOM was told..."your discharged NOW"
We followed shortly to find our new child in intensive care unit full of wires and tubes. MOM checked herself into the hospital for a couple days of needed rest. Because of acute aortic stenosis a heart operation followed.....and since that first day he returned HOME, he slept between MOM and DAD...not just for a month or two til he could sleep in his crib but years and years followed of Makiah sleeping between US...til the last years when Tia, MOM's ugly untrained boxer took my place in the bed and I slept alone upstairs.

For some reason I had been imprinted with my Paradise Utopia vision of the THREE of us cuddled together in the warm love of that blissful FAMILY bond. We were BLESSED. Despite ALL the dysfunction. I just wanted to escape from being homeless and return to that perfect blissful way of being a FAMILY unit...hugging my two BELOVED LOVES....and falling peacefully to my death full sleep. I cried and sobbed as I felt the experience unfolding. I knew that if I could meditate complete WAKEFULNESS by a simple desire, that the act of 'disconnecting' or death would be so simple. I was anxious to go HOME. I put on my sweat shirt and jacket and started walking quickly home to my eternal sleep.

I drew a simple line drawing titled, Paradise Utopia ....and three simple line drawings of MOM...MAKIAH...DAD. Then got into my lovely large soft warm bed and said "GOOD-BYE" to this world and everyTHING in it.

..................................................................... I WOKE UP!   AGAIN!!! After a couple of hours of sleep, the first sleep in nine days..... I was wide awake, and completely dumbfounded.

The Beloved

My transition of being homeless lead me to Iowa City.

I hung out with a friend, sharing the meditation techniques of The Awakened One. The Awakened One is a wooden sculpture that was given to me by a friend several decades ago. The statue is from the Sung Dynasty in China. My friend Liesel grow up in china as her dad was employed by Standard Oil back in the early 1920's. The Awakened One is my favorite piece of art.

I have decided to sell the artwork to support my work of spreading the message of ENLIGHTENMENT and the New American Renaissance. I hope to engage China, India and America in purchasing The Awakened One in order to create, design and finance a new program of cultural exchange. I am hoping Aung Sun Suu Kyi of Burma will facilitate the sale.

I started my meditation on the ped mall late...in time to see the students rush out of the bars and bustle home in the chilled air. I was engaged in a conversation by a young bright philosophy student. She was dragging an adult boy toy with her, he stood nearby speechless as Mother Mary talked about her four year old daughter and about having just come from having sex on the nearby bank rooftop, apparently one of her new found pleasures in life. She wanted my pendleton blanket. She was bright and inquisitive, wanting to know everything I knew about life .....she wanted MORE but really couldn't define what that might mean....she grabed her man-boy toy and walked into the night.

I decided to head over to my favorite place in town. The meditation room at University Hospitals. It was the year anniversary of Makiah's heart surgery. A traumatic time of replacing both his heart valves by Dr. Tom Davis. Everything has seemed to be perfect. This last year has brought amazing new maturity and growth and happiness to ALL of us. I spent about six hours in GRATITUDE.

And came away with visions of THE BELOVED, and knowing our hearts were ONE and the same.

How silly I seem to myself, the most simple profound TRUTHS sometimes seem so hidden in the muck.

goodnight John Boy.
goodnight Clitoris.

The Naked Truth....appeared on the bottle of one of my favorite beverages, Naked Juice. I awoke this morning in The USA Enterprise ll asking what is the naked truth.......

"WE are all born individual unique miraculous beautiful creative geniuses."  the basic foundation of naked truth. Without this as the foundation of truth, life can just get messy confusing and downright pain full at times.

I picked Makiah up at school to enjoy one of my all time favorite activities in life, 'walking Makiah home from school' .....we talked about plans for the evening and decided a trip to Ames to see mom and grandma, The World's Greatest Mom,  would be just perfect.

There was a small problem, because of lack of money my car had been sitting in the driveway for the past month and a half, no car insurance. My old high school buddy and now The Worlds Biggest Binge Drinker had called a couple days earlier and asked if I would be his chauffeur, because he didn't have anyone else to drive him around to get his basic groceries, which lately consisted of a short ride in the direction of the grocery store then with the words " I feel really sick would you take me back home." .....anyway, I hurriedly called my insurance company and literally good neighbor to see how much it would be. Interestingly enough because my good driver policy had elapsed, I was now on high risk rate. My old policy was 320 dollars for full coverage...NOW it was 560 dollars for just the basic liability. Nothing like being in GOOD HANDS.  I called my buddies Power of Attorney to ask for the insurance money to pay to be a chauffeur...I decided to ask for just one month as I was contemplating my options...like hiring a limo anytime I wanted to go somewhere and probably save money. We were off to see MOM.

I hadn't been able to see much of Makiah since I was asked to leave the house and a lot of 'changes' had taken place so I was excited to spend time with connecting to see how he was really doing...we had a great two hour drive....we laughed a lot, mostly about sneaky cops eating donuts. We stopped at the casino to visit the gift store to see if my favorite pendleton blanket was still there. It was. A Sioux Eastern Star blanket that reminded me of one of my mentors Black ElkWallace . Sometime I will wear that blanket in honor of Wallace. When the money flows.

Seeing mom was heavenly. Decided just sitting in THE PRESENCE of my ninety one year mom is the greatest gift of all.....she was SO HAPPY to see and be with Makiah and me. We were having a great time when the phone rang and it was our other AMAZING mom. The conversation was great and 'I love you's " exchanged, but immediately after Makiah said good-bye he got sick, felt like an upset stomach and throwing up.....we went out doors for some fresh air ....he really wanted to sleep in our traveling home. I was really really comfortable. He slept late. While I felt integrated and energized by being next to him all night .....still no sleep for me.

Okay, let's take a look at the sleep issue. If consciousness is THE SOURCE of energy or our life force and is connected to ALL living things everywhere in all the universes...WE KNOW consciousness never sleeps......and .....since that most miraculous wondrous moment when the sperm cell and egg cell INTEGRATED into that individual unique miraculous beautiful creative genius WE.....and then divided into the 100 trillion cells making up the body....THE ONE CELL never never sleeps........and since the first beat of the heart within the embryo....WE KNOW the heart never sleeps .....so .....sleep isn't at all necessary as long as ONE is well INTEGRATED and CONSCIOUSLY connected......no sleep has it's benefits and BEING TOTALLY AWAKENED still means allowing for dream time if DESIRED.

The Awakened One

Where the butterfly lands

Sometimes the most innocent beautiful free loving 'butterfly' can create such AMAZING chaotic conflict and pain inducing insanity.....

Knowing the TRUTH of oneself can fulfill the body with such amazing SELF LOVE that miracles are the every moment dance of life. And the FLOWER of LIFE can then transform the world.

Meditation is the ART of LISTENING....sensing in all aspects the form and function and movement of consciousness...the blood of all life.

Today, seeing clearly the issues that FREEDOM bring to society and our culture our communities our families and our own empowerment....leave me with a sense of embracing THE TRUTH of the SELF.

The USA Enterprise is driving across America with the INTENTION of restoring the Art of Greatness to this nation. In reality it all gets down to a very personal level of engagement with oneself.

 How much can I love thee.

Until the personal connection to THE SOURCE is made there is no grounding to the source of truth.  Without grounding to the source....games of painful conflicting chaos is the order of the day.

So....from the USA Central Command Center to Randy driving The USA Enterprise across America to the heartland these are the 'orders' of the day.

Connect the ONES....kinda like connecting the dots to GET THE PICTURE.

WE ARE ALL ONE.   Consciousness is the life force that connects US ALL. Everywhere in Everything. The flow, the energy, the form, the love, the essence of THE NETWORK. Know CONSCIOSNESS.

BE and Know the original ONE cell that was created out of the TWO. Be oneself is the ultimate goal of education. By focusing THE ONE consciousness into THE ONE original cell....the hardware is plugged in.
Then by connecting THE ONE with THE ONE with THE ONE HEART ...the human biocomputer is PROGRAMMED.  Once the three ONE dots of life are connected, get out of the way as Paradise Utopia is being co-created and co-designed NATURALLY.....because EVERYTHING is connected into THE PROGRAM or GAME of how healthy and happy can WE possibly BE.

Can you imagine a world of the most beautiful abundant wealth giving butterflies flying freely everywhere. ENLIGHTENING everything that they come in contact with.....here comes the USA Enterprise, restoring the ART of Greatness to our nation.

First "real" night of being homeless in Iowa.

Let me start out by saying twenty five years ago I walked across America with The Great Peace March in the most beautiful city I have ever lived in, called Peace City. That journey went from Los Angeles to Washington D.C. and took nine months. I came to LOVE my yellow North Face home. The following summer I walked from St Petersburg to Moscow with the First International Peace Walk, two hundred America's and two hundred Soviets living in Peace City within Ronald Reagans Evil Empire and our true enemies Motherland.  Living in a tent in a community of loving friends has been a high light of my life.

Also, after working as artist in residence at Sol y Sombre the home of Charles and Beth Miller in Santa Fe New Mexico and Georgia O'keefee's last residence....the only other comparable position was to be 'artist in residence for planet Earth' so in full filling that position I feel that EVERY WHERE on the planet is MY HOME....so saying that I AM homeless in Iowa ....seems somewhat of a lie.

I left 'the family' behind and took off on my 'meditation about'  the Mount Vernon homeless adventure. Several layers of clothes with a native pendleton black and brown designed 'gathering' blanket for real warmth.

The large hillside Mount Vernon Cemetery was close. The almost full moon and clear sky were a perfect backdrop for my first several hour meditation. I sat behind a large grave stone so no one would notice my presence. Seems so miraculous that so soon after a dramatic dialogue that I could be feeling so good again. Clearness of the sky matched my empty thoughts and emotions. Just Being ALIVE among the dead felt pretty soothing.

My meditation focused on being in the heart space, beautiful pure perfect love, I like to say. I had stayed within that space of ' We are all One' from the Bass Farm mediation combined with the original zygote being ONE cell to the now added third ONE heart meditation. The ONE love we all seem to share. It was a beautiful night, perfect.

When the time came to move...I moved. All wrapped up in my native wool warm blanket, I sat at the out door comfortable table and chairs of the First Street Community Center. I love Rick and Trude Elliott, the owners and creators of the MainStreet Community Center. Building community from the inside out is one of the most difficult arts of our time. I have been blessed to have lived in some amazing communities that are always in the process of attempting to improve on their art of community building. Marion Iowa my hometown. Carefree Arizona, Naples Florida, Lajolla California, Peace City, Aspen Colorado, Taos New Mexico and Beth Miller's Sol y Sombra in Santa Fe, and now Mount Vernon Iowa ...home of Cornell College my alma matter.

Edgar Helms is my favorite Cornell Alumni. He created Goodwill Industries in Boston in 1902. He was amazing, more on him later. His inspiration along another mile of my journey brings inspirational light to my path, always.

I was ready to move westward to the old Lincoln highway bridge crossing the double railroad tracks. A favorite pastime, decades ago,  to be on the tiny wooden bridge while huge freight trains would pass inches below you. I got to experience two trains at once last night....a 'remember me' kind of experience. Then I walked over to the park on the entrance to town, I had never been there before and it was beginning to get cold and damp.  I layered on the picnic table by the nearby fire pit. A fire would have been wonderful. I wasn't really prepared except for a bottle of water that I brought along. Several hours later...I got cold and decided to find a warm spot in town. Olin Hall was nearby, the dorm that I spent three years in while at Cornell. I found a first floor study type room that was warm with nice furniture and the most quiet space I have experienced in Mount Vernon. My meditation went on for several hours before I felt the pulse of early morning movement about town. I walked through town, people were starting to move about the dark town.  I even encountered a group of four joggers and cars parked at the community center fitness center.

I went back to my old white home on hilltop drive and quietly made my way into 'my' second floor bed. It felt good. I lay awake meditating on my experiences and all I had learned about THE SELF, loving the self and the layers and layers of complex systems of symbolic characters screaming out or hiding away within the ideal self awaiting to be 'discovered.' or just re known  .......I went straight into a short dream and was awakened quickly as it played out.  Clear as ever was the transition into the morning hour.

It is amazing that we ever communicate with one another as the real communication takes place within the mufti-dimensional layers of unknown and known senses of being oneself. While the external superficial material layers of skin providing such a beautiful representation of the wholeness never seems touched nearly enough.

Life is so beautiful in its myriad diversity. Time to contemplate another night of meditation about town.

The Relationship with Oneself

I return 'to my past home' to see Makiah but no one is there....so I let myself in and make myself at home, doing several loads of laundry, folding clothes, emptying the dishwasher and continuing my meditation in a space all to familiar for  the last six years.

All life is about relationships. And the most important relationship of all is with oneself. Master oneself and the world is yours, THEY say. So this is kinda where this blog takes a divergent kind of twist. How to tell the TRUTH and how to keep the story positive and upbeat and educational for EVERYONE involved.
So, I will use my lessons learned as examples....hopefully several other spin off books or films or projects will spin off from this blog. I think we ALL have our own individual unique miraculous creative perspectives on the truth...and ...I believe consciousness and other natural systems or mediums do contain some aspects of THE TRUTH...which makes life somewhat manageable in co-creating and co-designing systems of utopia.

The Self is made up of many internal perspectives and layers of perspectives. Complex we ALL be. How we SEE ourselves, feel and know oneself ....how we complete the integral 'perfect portraiture' of ourselves within our natural rasa, or essential nature is the foundation of how we love oneself.... loving oneself is what defines EVERY RELATIONSHIP you will ever experience.  If the foundation of THE PERSPECTIVE of oneself isn't full, total and complete....neither will the richness of your relations. Empty holes or aspects of your 'perfect portraiture' will assist you always in forming relationships filled with pain and abuse. Learning how to LOVE oneself and being free to express oneself is the basics of life time health and happiness. Simple and easy as that.

So I'll leave out the MAJOR INSPIRATIONAL CHARACTERS of this blog for another day. Let it be accounted they are very normal people learning to learn how to master the art of life so to best full fill their Dream BIG Dreams. They are AMAZING life partners...full of beauty and grace and geniusness AND the most CHALLENGING relationships of my life. Enough said for now.

Back to SELF.....left brain right brain intelligence. Emotional, spatial and intuitive integrated. Beta, alpha, theta, delta brain waves balanced ...peace ....charka flow of energy with heart based centered communication systems. Balance balance balance.....balancing the conscious and unconscious mind with awareness of all the positive negative archetypal characters directing your games of play. Seems like there is always a new internal system to balance. Makiah taught me the simple "happy hands, happy feet, happy heart...happyplanetindex.org" dance to bring oneself into simple and easy balance with the planet, oneself and the universe. There are very simple profound ways to maintain that ONE magical relationship with the creator....but I have never found them too easy to find.

My birthday was day four of my homeless meditation and it was almost perfect in my eyes and heart. The best birthday probably ever. With Joe Jennison hosting a large community volunteer dinner party in the towns park....it was classic beautiful MainStreet Mount Vernon USA event. Makiah and I had a good time. The large crowd sang happy birthday to me and a cake and candles were wished upon and devoured.

Diving into the depths of dysfunction followed. Remembering to remember, remembering to know, remembering to learn, remembering THE LOVE, remembering the journey, remembering THE DANCE, remembering enough that all pathways of the future were known.

I began to be concerned about not sleeping...very little eating with NO appetite, I really enjoyed. I met with Rev Catherine, the expert on all things meditation and she didn't seem to be of concern and I certainly was feeling NO areas of concern with my body....balanced, calm, yet energized, peaceful, alert, all systems humming radiating and acting like I would never again need to sleep. Kinda weird I thought because I always was one to love sleeping and dreaming.

More issues exposed. More pain. More insights. And on to the my first night of homelessness.